Exercise

Last summer I wrote about the personal trainer friend I had that came and worked with me 2-3 times per week.  I think I was pretty optimistic about losing weight, getting in shape, and feeling good.

I have to admit that in hindsight, he was pretty successful.  I could see a difference in my muscle tone, although not a lot of difference on the scale or in my fat content.  Overall, I felt better.  Although every day he was scheduled to come I would try to find an excuse to cancel.  I never did get used to it, nor did I ever get to a point where I enjoyed it, although I've heard that that utopia exists for some.

This winter I've gained even more weight.  My obsession with what I can and can't eat seems to be a contributing factor, but it is also a function of depression and lack of focus.

I've been doing the tae kwon do for a year now (can you believe it's been that long!), and although I've noticed muscles moving around, it doesn't seem to have helped with weight loss.  I don't think I've given it the amount of force and time to really work.

So I signed up for an exercise boot camp for the month of July.  I'm scared to death, but I'm determined to do whatever I need to to lose these extra pounds.  I want to feel good, have more energy, and be less depressed.  I know exercise is a key to all of those, so I'm going to see how it goes.  I know it's going to kick my ass, and I don't intend to let go of the tae kwon do, either.  I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all, but hopefully by the end of July I will look and feel amazing!  We'll see!

The Tooth Fairy

My son lost his fifth tooth on Sunday.  He's almost eight, so he got a late start with losing teeth, but for all of that, he has sure given the tooth fairy the run around.

The first tooth he lost by punching himself in the mouth at Tae Kwon Do, and swallowed it.  His grandma helped him write a note to the tooth fairy explaining why his tooth wasn't actually under his pillow.

The second he lost easily enough, but then wanted to take it to school for show and tell, so after placing it in a baggie, misplacing it for some days, finding it, misplacing it again, finding it, then taking it to school, it finally found it's way under his pillow weeks later.

The third he lost, as in, it fell out but he couldn't find it.  I don't know that he even noticed it coming out.  He works hard at avoiding any pain or unpleasantness, so he has a habit of waiting until the tooth falls out completely on its own.  He didn't even bother with the tooth fairy.  I don't think he remembered.

The fourth came out, and was immediately put under the pillow.

This one...  it had been a long time since his last tooth.  It was loose for months.  I think he finally got tired of working around it when he ate, so he finally pulled it out on Sunday night.  He very excitedly put it under his pillow.

However, the tooth fairy was a little out of practice, and completely forgot to stop by.  Neither did she realize it until he made a comment the next day about her not having come.  Oops.

The following night... same story.  After the second night, he was pretty confused and disappointed that she hadn't come.  But ever the optimist, on the third night he said "I hope she comes tonight!"  Just to make sure I didn't forget this time, I slipped it out from under his pillow while singing him to sleep.  While I was waiting to make sure he was fully asleep before slipping it back in, he walked out of his room "looking for his flashlight."  I asked him why.  He needed it to look under his pillow!  He was sure he'd put the tooth there...

As smoothly as possible, I palmed the tooth pillow and pretended to search under his bed.  I placed it in a slightly hidden place, and asked him to turn on the light.  He then joined me and "found" it.  I told him to put it back under his pillow and go to bed.

Within a minute he came back out.  Apparently, she'd already come and there was extra money inside!  He showed me that there was an extra $.50, along with a note from the tooth fairy that said "Because I was late, + .50."

After a minute's hesitation, he asked if he could write her a note.  Sure.  He asked me to write it for him.  He wanted to say, "it's ok.  You can keep it."  He didn't want her to feel bad about being late on the delivery!  He put the extra .50 back in with the note, and then prayed to God to send her back.  He explained to me that she wouldn't know to come back, because there was no tooth, but he hoped God could get the message to her.

I think it might take a few days for her to get the message...

Food

I've been exploring the idea of understanding my body and what makes it feel badly.  Last year I paid a lot of money to go to a holistic naturopath.  First he did a preliminary body test to check sensitivities, weight, fat %, etc.  Then he sent me home with a hormone saliva test, and a strict diet of fruits, vegetables, and nuts, along with a cleansing drink to use three times per day.

Prior to this, my diet consisted of proteins (mostly meat), grains (mostly breads), potatoes, and some fruit.  Oh..  and Diet Pepsi.  That's it.  The diet part was going to be rough.  None of those things (except maybe some potatoes and some fruit), no soda, no milk, juice, or any other palatable drink.  Strictly water, and this nasty cleansing drink.

But, like I said, I had paid a lot of money, so for 3 months, I did as instructed.  I felt completely weak and without energy after 6 weeks, so I added eggs and a small amount of meat to the diet as a source of protein.

I felt really good.  I don't think I noticed it right off the bat, but eventually I did.  Especially after I completed the 3 months and decided that as healthy as that probably was for my body, I could not live like that long-term.  So, I started adding things in, one at a time.

I realized almost immediately that sugar was the source of my migraines.  It wasn't until I had a chocolate chip cookie, and had a migraine within 5 minutes that I realized that I hadn't had a single migraine the whole time I had been on the diet.  Prior to that, I had been getting them pretty regularly, at least 3-4 times per week.

I did the same thing for other foods, little by little.  I realized I am probably lactose intolerant, because milk gives me terrible gas.  I think I'm also gluten intolerant because any amount of bread makes me feel bloated, and gives me abdominal pain.

I haven't done any actual tests, although I have found a website that will test for all of those things, along with some others.  I think I eventually will, when I can justify the cost.  However, even still, knowing what I know, I try to avoid those food types.

But...  no dairy, no sugar, no gluten??  What else is there?  What am I supposed to eat!?!

And with that, I find it very hard to stick with it.  How does one go forever without eating a cheeseburger?  And let me tell you, a cheeseburger isn't a cheeseburger without the bun!  And besides that, now that I'm constantly thinking of food, what I can and cannot eat, I can't stop eating.  Even if it isn't something I shouldn't be eating, the fact that I'm eating constantly is making me gain weight at a considerable rate.  None of my clothes fit.

So I have to figure out how to come to terms with this, and come up with food choices that I LIKE, or just accept the fact that I will always feel yucky.  Before going on the diet I didn't realize there was any other way to feel, so maybe it's not so bad!

To Be Fulfilled

"I am fulfilled by my own life on an hourly basis."

That was a quote by Julia Roberts in a magazine article.

I'm not much of a follower of the life and times of movie stars.  Honestly, I could care less about movie stars, or musicians, or any other "famous" people.  I can't fathom spending the time to follow someone else's life when it's hard enough to keep up with my own.

Well, I take that back.  I love to follow the lives of friends and family, and some of the other people whose blogs I read, or try to read, when I have time.  I do love seeing what life is like for other "regular" people.

But the quote struck me.  That is my goal.  To be fulfilled by my own life, every hour of every day.  To find the employment opportunity that will perfectly suit my skills and preferences, that will take advantage of the winding path of education and experience I've traveled, and bring it all together into a useful whole.  Is it possible?  I will continue to search until I have found it.  Even if only for a short time, I want to know what it is I was designed to do, and know the joy of doing that.

I know work isn't everything.  However, since it fills over 50% of my waking minutes (and sometimes feels like a whole lot more), I think satisfaction in my job does influence overall satisfaction with life.

I am not complaining about my life (although it sounds like it most of the time).  I am surrounded by friends and family who love me and care about my well-being enough to listen to me whine.  I have a beautiful home in a beautiful country, state, city, climate.  We are both employed, which is a blessing all by itself.

Life has a way of forcing a person down paths they may not have chosen for themselves.  Family, economics, opportunity, politics, all play a part in the life you live.  Some few have a passion that is always burning, reorienting them toward the dream that will fulfill their desires.  Some find it an easy path to follow, others overcome incredible odds to achieve their goal and live their dream.

Others, like me, have a yearning for fulfillment that doesn't come with a passion, that doesn't have a clear direction. We have a need to be useful, to make the most of the talents or skills we possess, but without the specific interest that points us to our field.  We follow the opportunities we see, hoping to recognize the right one when we see it.

Still others will do whatever needs doing to get by.  They are happy in whatever job they hold as long as it is honest work, and can support their family.  These are happy staying in the same job for 20+ years, sometimes working their way up the ladder within the company, until they can retire and enjoy the fruits of their relentless labor.

All of these are important.  All serve a purpose.  All can be fulfilling.  I just need to find the right door for me to push through.  I am confident that given enough time, I will.  One day, one of my life experiments will be the right one!