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I've had a few conversations lately with some of my single mom friends about parenting. It can be a lonely, hard, and thankless job being a mom. And yes, I know there are plenty of dads who will think I'm being biased, but unless you're a single dad, with 100% custody, it is unlikely that you are bearing the brunt of schedules, appointments, school activities, discipline, chores, homework, nutrition, medications, laundry, and all the little things that make the day flow.
Granted, I'm not that great at most of that either. I have a network of family and friends that remind me of activities he should do, and an alarm on my phone that tells me when to pick him up from school because otherwise I'd forget. I have a son that's been doing his own laundry since he was tall enough to reach into the washing machine, as well as getting up and making his own breakfast since he was tall enough to reach up to the counter.
I also have a husband who agrees with me on how and when to discipline and what behaviors require discipline. He will also show up to school things when I tell him about them, and takes on his share of the transporting, work permitting.
With that said, the bulk of the parenting inevitably falls on the mom.
For me, that means always being the bad guy. While working full time, it also means I don't have much time to do any of the fun stuff.
My son regularly tells me (and anyone else that will listen) that I yell at him all the time, or he complains about how he never gets to do anything, or how I'm always making him do things he doesn't want to do. I get the "I hate you" comments, and "you're mean," and all the other usual comments little boys say when they are angry. I'm ok with that.
I listen to people telling me I'm too hard on him, or that I expect too much and he's just a kid, or that I'm a terrible parent because I don't hover over him every moment of the day. I sometimes even feel guilty that I don't hang out with him and do all the fun things he'd love to do.
But mostly I'm ok with how things are. He's a lucky boy to have two parents, a huge house in a great neighborhood, parents that can afford to put him on a swim team (even if it is a rec league), Taekwondo, as well as tennis and piano lessons after school. He has parents that care enough to put him in a school that suits him, rather than the much easier option of the school on the corner. And every now and then, I take him on vacations that he enjoys immensely. He has grandparents and aunts and uncles that spoil him and love him and do the "fun stuff" with him.
I'm ok with being the bad guy, because I know that I'm doing the right thing for him. I expect a lot from him, but only by the standards of today's parents that seem to expect nothing. I expect him to be polite, respectful, responsible, and capable. Kids apparently don't come that way; they need to be taught. I'm perfectly ok with being the one responsible for teaching him because I signed up for that when I agreed to have a child.
I can take him on vacation with other people and not be embarrassed by his behavior. I can let him go over to another person's house and not be afraid of what he will do, or how he will act. I'm not saying he's a perfect child all the time, but he's acting eight, which is completely appropriate. Overall, he's a good kid.
And I tell him so. This weekend we went to Santa Cruz, and while digging in the sand yesterday morning, I told him again. He's a good kid and he's fun to be around. And he replied, "I wouldn't be without you." I smiled, and said it was nice of him to say so, and he insisted, "No, really."
I'm ok being the bad guy; my son respects me and thanks me for it. :-)
