I quit my mother a long time ago. I was already an adult, so it wasn't anything traumatic. Although, had I been able to as a child, I would have.
I quit her because I didn't like the person she was. She was manipulative, mean, deceptive, and a hypocrite. Instead of taking responsibility for her life and the choices she made, she cried about it and blamed everyone else for the way her life turned out.
I know that hypocrisy seems to be an acceptable evil, but it isn't for me. I can't think of anything more infuriating and appalling than witnessing a person that acts completely contrary to their nature when in public. The constant lie gets old. Maybe that's where my intolerance of lies comes from. Who knows.
I quit her because I have no need of people like that in my life.
It's been 21 years since I've spoken to my mother. I don't miss her at all. I miss having a mother, but I don't miss the one I was given. Many times I've hoped and wished for parents that I could inherit as an adult that would fill that role for me. I came close in my last relationship.
However, it seems that now I am faced with the same situation again. I am having difficulty with alienating this person completely, for fear of hurting my family, but I can't lie, and I can't justify making an exception for this person that I would never make for my own mother.
They are the same in many ways, and I am having difficulty accepting that. When I quit my mother I thought I was done dealing with dishonesty. I can only hope I make the right choice for my son. He is the only reason I am struggling with this at all.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
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