Sunday, September 26, 2010

Mother

I quit my mother a long time ago.  I was already an adult, so it wasn't anything traumatic.  Although, had I been able to as a child, I would have.

I quit her because I didn't like the person she was.  She was manipulative, mean, deceptive, and a hypocrite.  Instead of taking responsibility for her life and the choices she made, she cried about it and blamed everyone else for the way her life turned out.

I know that hypocrisy seems to be an acceptable evil, but it isn't for me.  I can't think of anything more infuriating and appalling than witnessing a person that acts completely contrary to their nature when in public.  The constant lie gets old.  Maybe that's where my intolerance of lies comes from.  Who knows.

I quit her because I have no need of people like that in my life.

It's been 21 years since I've spoken to my mother.  I don't miss her at all.  I miss having a mother, but I don't miss the one I was given.  Many times I've hoped and wished for parents that I could inherit as an adult that would fill that role for me.  I came close in my last relationship.

However, it seems that now I am faced with the same situation again.  I am having difficulty with alienating this person completely, for fear of hurting my family, but I can't lie, and I can't justify making an exception for this person that I would never make for my own mother.

They are the same in many ways, and I am having difficulty accepting that.  When I quit my mother I thought I was done dealing with dishonesty.  I can only hope I make the right choice for my son.  He is the only reason I am struggling with this at all.