EMDR and Therapy

I guess I never posted a follow-up to my EMDR second appointment last Wednesday, so here goes.

The second appointment was, if anything, worse than the first. We went through a series of stupid questions, that the therapist should have known the answer to based on our previous conversations. When I complained, she said she "had to go through her standard form" list of questions.

I think that in a field as subjective as psychology, there should be no such thing as a "standard form." But that's just me. What do I know?

After an hour of questions, followed by pauses to see how that made me "feel," I came to the conclusion that I may have an attachment problem. My fear of abandonment may cause me not to get too attached to anyone. I might find something to read on that subject.

Aside from that, another wasted hour and $90.

But by the end of the day I figured that the EMDR must be doing something. I don't know what it was doing, but I came home and ate for the rest of the day. Obsessively. I couldn't stop. I was stuffed to the point of pain, but still eating. I ate so much I had a stomach-ache for 2 days.

I have to say, if gaining 50# is the price of emotional health, then I'm ok with being messed up!

Healthcare Reform

I heard something on the radio yesterday that really bothered me about our government. Granted, there are many things that bother me about our government, but this is just the epitome of many of those things.

A Republican was elected into one of the Senate seats for Massachusetts. Immediately following the election results, the Democrats went into a huddle to see how this would affect their big plans. None of that is surprising. The Democrats no longer hold a 2/3 majority. (I know there's a term for that, but I can't think of it right now.)

Anyway, the following day the President and the Majority Leader come out moderating their stance on healthcare reform. NOW they are willing to work with the "other side of the aisle" to rally around the points of reform that they can both agree on?

Now? Two days ago they were willing to stuff whatever they wanted down the throats of the American people regardless of what THEY might want... just because they could. But now that that is no longer likely, NOW they are willing to work together on something that everyone can AGREE on? That just boggles my mind. It shouldn't, but it does.

Is this how it went down with the TARP funds? I heard someone (on that same radio station) mention a while back that during that time, the Senate offices were so flooded with e-mail that they actually cut the bandwidth (not sure if that is the correct term), so only minimal number of e-mail could get through. How's that for representation?

I WANT to represent the people I serve, but I want MORE to do this thing... so I'll just turn off the answering machine? Really?

Do you FEEL represented?

Blogging...

I just spent 30 minutes going through some of the blogs that I have bookmarked. It's been a LONG time since I've read any blog that wasn't written by someone I know. Granted, blogs are an easy way to keep up with the lives of distant friends, but the primary reason I started reading blogs was to see what people had to say about specific issues.

I have basically three types of blogs I read: business/career/money/entrepreneurship, frugal/coupon, and personal friend/out-of-the-box pastors.

Ok, I guess that's more complicated than I thought. These are my areas of interest. I like to keep up with the young business world, the people who have new ideas on how to do business, and are young enough to write about it in blog format. These blogs keep me in the loop of corporate america, and what the twenty-somethings are feeling about job prospects. This is a narrow view (consisting only of people able or willing to write), but is still a quick look into the business arena.

More than that, I have a few bookmarked blogs that have great tips on how to save a few dollars. This generally revolves around the food budget, but may include budgeting tips. These include bloggers that make the coupon game easier by matching up coupons with sales at the major market chains, and publishing that information. Or bloggers that give recipe ideas for low cost home-cooked meals.

And even more than that, I enjoy reading up on the few people I know who blog. These are generally snippets of the daily activities of friends that give me a glimpse into their lives. In amongst these are the pastors that blog about being a little left of center when it comes to mainstream religion. Kind of a strange combination, but I like it.

Generally, when I have a few minutes, I catch up on the blogs in the order in which I like them (in other words, from last mentioned to first). So the business blogs rarely make it into my limited timeframe.

I know this is a priority choice, so today I decided to go the other direction. I used the time I had waiting for the kiddies to fall asleep to read some of the business blogs I haven't visited in months.

And you know what? I realized why I started blogging in the first place! I enjoy reading these business perspectives, and they force me to pause and evaluate my own position on ideas that wouldn't otherwise occur to me. Some of them are political commentary, some just state a position on whatever major issue is going on in D.C. Some are money ideas, investment tips, savings ideas, etc. And I realized that that is what I had intended for my blog. To be a means of sorting out my opinions and ideas, and putting them out there to invite comment.

Being in this field, I often feel starved for intelligent conversation. I usually don't realize it until I've had an intelligent conversation with someone about some debatable issue. Then I realize what I miss the most about working in an office filled with other professionals. Somewhere in the building there is likely to be an intelligent person that enjoys debate, and can help define/articulate ideas that otherwise are general or vague impressions.

I think I had the thought that over time, the process of writing would further refine my interests into a specific area of "expertise." However, that has not been the case. If anything, I'm now interested in even MORE diverse topics than I was when I started this.

Either way, it was great to spend just a little bit of time in the blogosphere and remember what I liked about it!

2010 - The Year to Save

I have a savings account at ING Direct. There was a time when that company offered really great interest rates on savings accounts, and that provided the incentive to transfer money back and forth between my bank account and ING Direct. Granted, being a solely web-based institution, they make those kinds of transactions relatively painless. You just have to be aware that it will take days for the transfer and retrieval of that money.

Now, interest rates aren't great. They are still one of the highest in the business for a straight, liquid, savings account, but interest rates are just really tanking right now.

This morning they sent me an interesting e-mail newsletter. They are looking for stories about saving. In exchange for choosing your story, they will be giving out money towards your savings goals.

This got me thinking. Well, to be fair, I've been thinking about this for the last couple of months. Friends around me are losing their jobs or taking pay cuts. My business is slow, and my employee seems grateful just to have her job, regardless of the fact that her hours have been cut dramatically. The climate is changing in this country.

And it made me think about the generation who lived through the Great Depression. That became a generation of savers. Having lived through some of the toughest times this country has seen, they had learned the hard way to keep an "emergency fund", to pay cash for goods, and not to spend frivolously.

We've all seen where the "buy now pay later" mentality has gotten us. I think we might be moving again towards moderation and saving. At least, I hope so.

This year I'm determined to build my emergency fund. I'm also determined to build a month's buffer that will allow me to breathe a little easier when it's time to pay the bills and will hopefully temper that feeling of living paycheck to paycheck. It's not easy, let me tell you. I'm watching every dollar and dime. But I'm hoping that it will be worth it in the long run. That should the worst happen, and we are forced to live on one income, or god-forbid, no income, that we would have time to take the necessary steps to take care of our family.

2010... The year to save.

The Tinman

Since my final semester of school has no actual class meetings, I have rejoined my Monday night bible study/women's group. It is primarily an "authentic community" group, where we can go to be completely honest about everything, and be accountable to each other, in a safe and secure environment.

No matter how much my faith waxes and wains, I've always enjoyed attending. The love I have for these women, and they for me, runs deep. I missed them terribly when I was in school.

The beginning and the end of the meeting consists of checking in/out with a word to describe the emotion you are feeling. With my new problem of a complete lack of emotion, these are now hard questions to answer!

Last Monday, at checkout, someone commented about another woman having a heavy heart, or that it was full to overflowing, and my immediate response in my mind was the lyrics "if I only had a heart....", and I dubbed myself The Tinman when it was time for me to check out.

Last night walking into the meeting, that song played itself over and over in my head. Well, not the entire song, since I can't remember it, but just that phrase. I think it's fitting!

I have another therapy appointment tomorrow morning. The saga continues.

EMDR and Therapy

I had my first appointment with the new therapist on Thursday. I was somewhat more nervous about going to this one than I had been for the original one. I'm not sure why, except maybe that I had had more time to think about it.

New Therapist is marginally closer to me, but works only Mon-Wed, 8-5. Old Therapist did evening appointments, which makes perfect sense to me for a service industry that primarily serves a working population. (I'm assuming, of course, that if someone is not working, they would not be able to afford counseling. That may be a faulty assumption. I'm learning, slowly, that people are generally not very logical.)

New Therapist had made a special appointment on Thursday morning for me, considering the "urgent" nature of my need.

I went in a little early to fill out paperwork (which she had e-mailed to me, and I had completely forgotten to print or fill out), and she had not yet arrived, so I used the time to work on the extensive to-do list I had created on my way to her office. I figured I could at least make some calls that I needed to make.

She came in while I was on the phone with Comcast. I tried to get off the phone, but that kind of conversation needs to be followed through to resolution, so I made her wait. She didn't seem to mind. It wasn't long before I hung up and could go into her office.

We talked briefly about Old Therapist and what had occurred there, and then she spoke briefly about EMDR and what it does. Her explanation was less than complete, as apparently she prefers to have her patients read up on it before coming in. Go figure. She tells me that the machine basically makes you access both sides of your brain while talking/processing whatever it is you are talking about, by the use of headphones that may or may not make a beeping sound in each ear. (I'm not exactly clear on this. Obviously.)

We didn't really get to use the EMDR (according to New Therapist) because this appointment was all about the back story. I spoke to her about my mother, my son, my step-fathers, etc. We kind of wandered all over the place with no rhyme or reason to the direction. She was NOT as adept as Old Therapist at listening and asking questions in order to direct the conversation. In fact I think the 30 minutes I had with Old Therapist were more effective than the 75 minutes (we ran long) with New Therapist. If EMDR is as effective as this lady suggests, Old Therapist should look into it!

There were a couple of things that were red flags for me with New Therapist, besides the fact that she does not lead the conversation with questions. First, she seemed to want to know about irrelevant things. Granted, it is my assumption that they are irrelevant. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things they will be of utmost importance. We'll see. For instance, she asked quite a bit about my son, what he's like, and my parenting style with him. I'm sure that gives her some insight, but I'm completely satisfied with the parent I am, and don't really need her to tell me that I do a better job than my mother did. Duh.

Second, I told her about an incident in my childhood that shaped the relationship I had with my mother for the rest of my life. This incident happened when I was around 5 years old. I told her the story, then moved on to other things. At some point she wanted to go back to this incident, so I complied. She asked me to tell her how it would have "went down" if I (the mother I am today) had been dealing with me (the 5 year old). I was confused. All I could say was "WHAT??". So she asked me to tell her how I think it would have happened had a loving mother been involved in the incident as described.... Are you kidding me??

So I said, "I don't pretend very well".

She was taken aback, but recovered and moved on. But let me tell you, if this is her technique, she's not going to last. I definitely don't need her to explain that my mother was not a good mother. Double Duh.

I will give her a chance. We have another appointment on Wednesday morning. I'm mostly interested in finding out how the EMDR works, and if it works. But if this is her "style" and she can't adapt, then I think I'd much rather take as long as it takes to work through things with Old Therapist without the assistance of the EMDR. However much they both claim that EMDR shortens the process, it is not worth it to me to work with someone dumb. Ok, maybe that's a little harsh. Not dumb, merely inexperienced, inflexible, and by-the-book. I can already tell you I'm not typical.

New Year's Resolutions

A friend asked me on New Year's Day what my resolutions were for this year. I rarely set New Year's resolutions. What is so special about this one day of the year, and why should I wait for it to set my goals or resolutions?

Interestingly, though, I had set some goals in December that work just as well. So when she asked me what those were, I figured they could be my "New Year's" resolutions.

This morning, another friend asked me what my resolutions were for this year. I knew I had just spelled them out over the weekend, but I couldn't remember what they were! So I had the brilliant idea of writing them here. That way, whenever I needed to check on my progress, I'd know exactly where to find my list.

Isn't that what an electronic journal is for? ;-)

So, as discussed on New Year's Day, here is my list of resolutions, and hopeful finish dates:

Finish Chapter 3 of my thesis by January 31. Finish the final section by March 15th.

Cut costs and build a savings buffer of at least one month's income. This is because I took the recommendation of a friend and bought a budgeting software that advocates this, and I agree that it is an excellent idea! This I would like to have accomplished by July 1st.

Finish the decorating of my bedroom by June 26th. (This might be difficult alongside the cutting costs part, but the bulk of the purchasing has been done, and now I just need to do the work.)

Come up with a plan on building my next business by the end of the year. I would like this to be either opening a preschool/childcare center OR real estate investing in rental properties.

I think those are ambitious, but doable. Hopefully having them written for all to see will keep me moving towards accomplishing them!