Graduation Party!

I had such a great weekend.

Friday evening was my graduation.  I know many people don't actually participate in the ceremony because it doesn't mean anything, the actual degree is the paper that says you completed all the coursework.  But for me, the ceremony IS the defining moment.  It's like a wedding.  You can get married without that, it is the piece of paper that says you're married, but it's the wedding that you remember as the starting point.  No matter how long you were together before that date.

Walking across that stage (or in this case, in front of it) in front of all those people, says "I did it" in my mind.  It was the ultimate achievement.  All that work, all that writing, was just so I could stand in front of the crowd and get that funky thing draped over my neck and down my back.

It meant a lot to me that my sister, her husband, my husband and son, were there to see that happen.  Graduations are boring, but walking in that line, I couldn't stop grinning!  I still can't when I think about it.  It feels good to have finished, even though I have no idea what, if anything, the degree will do for me.

Saturday I had a party to celebrate with all my friends and family.  It was a lot of work to get ready for, and after the garbage disposal thing, I was ready to cancel the whole thing.  My husband talked me out of it, and when a couple of my friends found out about my frustration, they stepped in to help make it happen.  I am so grateful, and the party was a success.  It wouldn't have happened without them.

My husband is good at making me define what needs to be done in writing, then he can help with the items on the list.  My sister came and helped with the shopping, my husband and a friend were there early to clean, and another couple of friends came early to cook.  There is no way it would have all gotten done on my own!  Thank you!!

I was also overwhelmed by the number of people who showed up.  Almost my entire bible study group showed up, even though they all have busy lives and huge families.  All of my long-time clients came, even some who are no longer clients but are still friends, to celebrate with me.  My sister and her husband and mother-in-law.  My husband's family.  Even Jill and Pam, who live an hour and a half away.  I am truly blessed to have so many people that care about me.  Thank you all!!

Garbage Disposal Fiasco

My garbage disposal went out in my main kitchen sink on Monday (did I mention it was a bad day!), and I've been working to replace it.  We had purchased a garbage disposal a while ago for the other sink that had turned out to be too big, so instead of taking it back, we just got a smaller one for that sink and held on to this one, so theoretically, all I needed to do was swap them out.  I started on it Wednesday morning.

Taking the old one out was a challenge.  The directions for removing the disposal were impossible to follow because the builders had installed it in such a way as to make that difficult.  After much frustration, and more than a few think breaks, I finally disassembled the piping all around it, and then jiggled it and yanked on it until it came loose. Whatever works, right?

I got the new sink pieces all put in, and ready to connect to the disposal, but the new disposal was heavy.  Extremely heavy.  So holding it up while trying to cinch the ring on top that holds it up was impossible to do on my own.  I enlisted the help of two 7-year-olds, and stacks of cookbooks to rest it on, but still no luck.  I finally coaxed a visiting friend Wednesday night to hold it for me so I could get it on.  Success!

However, the new disposal was just a bit too wide to use the existing pipe setup.  Which meant that I needed to redesign the plumbing setup to accommodate the new disposal.  That had to wait until yesterday.  A not-so-quick trip to the hardware store to purchase pipes, and I came home with a few that would work.  I had to call home and ask my assistant to text me pictures from under the sink so I could visualize how it was all supposed to go together.  One of the new pipes was an adjustable -- cut to size.  Perfect.

However, apparently NOT with pipe cutters.  That would be too easy.  After twisting and squeezing and scoring and sharpening, I gave up.  A friend suggested a hack saw or hand saw.  I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of that.  Thank you, friend.  That worked.  Phew.

Two days into the project, I felt good, for a moment.  The disposal was installed, and the pipes all connected.  Beautiful.  I ran the dishwasher to test the drain, and the thing started pouring water out of the air gap into the sink. Not only that, but it was leaking all down the pipes below as well.

After taking the dishwasher drain pipe off where it connected to the disposal, I saw that it was all clogged, so I cleaned it out and re-installed.  I tested it again, but it still spewed water in all the wrong places.  I decided to disconnect it from the other end, and while yanking and twisting and pulling and yanking to get it off, the disposal fell off.  Ugh.

I had to undo all the piping that I had just put together. I was about ready to chuck the thing at someone, but my husband was working from home, so I asked him to help hold it up while I put it back on.  Only, at some point in the jostling to get it into position, it somehow fell... right onto the hand (mine) that was holding it from the bottom.  Did I mention this thing is heavy?  It crushed my finger under the metal edge around its bottom, and my finger popped open like an over-ripe tomato.  Literally.  It was instantly numb from the crushing, so although I was screaming obscenities, I think it was mostly from frustration because pain doesn't generally bother me.  It took me a moment, after throwing the disposal wrench across the kitchen (which is unlike me, I don't usually throw things) to realize I'm bleeding.  My husband told me to calm down, so I screamed at him, too.


At this point I am pissed off, frustrated, and bleeding... but the necessity of cleaning and bandaging calmed me down.  The kids (yes, I'm swearing at the top of my lungs with a house full of kids, you don't have to tell me that that's bad) are fascinated by my bloody, blackened finger, so they watch as I cleaned and bandaged it. It was an interesting wound, completely purple and numb.  The cut isn't squirting blood like a fingertip cut generally does, but rather the blood is kind of bubbling out of it.  The throbbing didn't commence until sometime later.


I should probably have gone to the hospital and gotten stitches, but I was too pissed off to care.  Today I'm paying for it.  I have had to disinfect and reapply the stitch taping.  Oh well.  It's just a finger...  :-)


But on a lighter note...  I graduate today.  

Tough Day

Yesterday was a tough day.  By the end of the day I was barely holding it together.  I've been sinking slowly into a depression, feeling the water creeping up over my chin, and I suffered a loss yesterday that took me completely by surprise and almost did me in.  I'm keeping my nose above water, barely, but even the smallest wave can feel overwhelming.

To top that off, my son's school called me to schedule an SST (Student Success Team) meeting.  I've been expecting it all year, and was actually surprised that it took so long.  I know that most of his behavior issues stem from not getting enough time and positive attention from his parents, so the meeting was just another reminder of how I'm not doing enough.

I do not have what he needs to help him through this.  I know he's starving for attention from us, but just the thought of giving him one more ounce makes me cringe.  I have many great ideas on how to fix this problem, but no energy to do them.  And when I think about doing these things every day, or every week, I feel like crawling into bed and staying there forever.  I don't think I have anything left to give.

It would be ever so helpful if the sun would come out and stay out.  Why am I freezing in the middle of May?

On the bright side, I did sign a new part-time child yesterday.  On the downside it will require working until 6:00 or 6:30 pm at least once or twice a month.

I am doing better today, though.  I did my 15 minute workout, even though I didn't want to.  My husband got up early to make breakfast for my son as was suggested by the SST, which was nice.  Tonight we'll try another suggestion they made.  I guess we'll see how long that lasts.

It's Been Awhile.

I have not written in quite a while, here or anywhere else.  I don't know what to do with myself; am sitting in kind of a limbo.  I graduate on Friday.  Even though I've been celebrating that fact every day for two months, it still doesn't seem real.  I'm not sure what to do next.

I realize that I have a really hard time just going along to get along.  When things fall into routine and are no longer interesting or challenging, I have a need to change it up.  That has been evident in my entire career.  Not knowing what it is that I'd truly love to do, I find myself constantly looking for the next thing to "try and see."  It appears that every five years or so I not only change jobs, but change careers entirely.

I committed to my bible study group to fully commit myself to the job I have for the next quarter.  Slowly I'm making progress in that direction.  I started by getting up and taking a shower in the morning.  As silly as THAT sounds, it is so much easier to roll out of bed at 7:00 and open my door, then shower at nap-time.  However, in an attempt to treat this like a "real job," I am getting presentable BEFORE I open.  Imagine that!

My second step is to get up even earlier to take 15 minutes to stretch and do a little bit of exercise.  I know you might think that 15 minutes is laughable, and it is, but considering I do next to NO exercise, I've been embarrassingly sore after even 15 minutes!  I am hoping that this small thing will give me more energy for my day, and hopefully make me more inclined to be up and about with the kids instead of watching from my comfy seat while they play.

My final step will be to be more diligent about our daily routine.  I have three activities that should happen during the day that are hit-and-miss.  Usually I attend to at least one, but I really need to get to all three.  I know that part of the reason that they have not been happening with regularity is that while I have so few children, yet must still pay my assistant to be here, I have been taking the time that she is here to retreat into my own space and do other things.  However, if left on her own, I know that she is NOT inclined to do the routine things I feel are important.  If they are to be done, I must do them.

Hopefully, by being more intentional with my daily routine, fewer things will be left on the back burner, and I will feel more accomplished and successful by actually doing the things that I know need to be done.  Hopefully, feeling more accomplished will translate into a better outlook, optimism, and ambition, which will translate to a happier me, and good karma!