Long time...

Has it really been since Thanksgiving that I last posted? I deserved the nudge, Frank! Thanks.

I've been avoiding writing because I can't think of anything positive to say. Not wanting to appear the malcontent that I naturally am, I decided to refrain altogether.

But a little birdie told me that the occasional lapse in my recovery is acceptable, so here goes.

I've been feeling really low since Vauna's death. I really feel like I'm an emotional zombie. I have nothing going on inside, and honestly, I don't like it. I seem to be getting better and better at repressing emotion, to the point that it's no longer a choice, but just a natural reflex.

It hasn't been too long since I last held back by choice, or let loose on a lonely drive. But lately? Nothing. And I have to admit to sinking into a bit of depression. I think the holidays contribute to that, though.

It's not a good time to be depressed, let me tell you! There's a ton of things that need to happen in the month of December, and this year especially I can't afford to be moping around, pissing my days away! My business is struggling, my thesis needs writing, my records need to be updated for year-end tax prep, and Christmas needs all the attention that Christmas generally takes. Definitely not the time to be hiding my head under the covers.

So I made an appointment to see a therapist a week from Monday. I've seen a couple in the past with unfavorable results, but this lady came well recommended, so I'm willing to try it again. I'm hoping that she can help me figure out where my problem lies. I'll let you know how it goes.