Children's Conversation

I love listening to the discourse of 2 and 3 year olds! They have such an exuberance about every conversation.

I have one little boy, I'll call him J, who is definitely more comfortable in the company of adults. He is very verbal with adults, freely talking about everything he did yesterday, the toys he has at home, what he's going to do later, etc, etc. However, he almost never converses with the other boys his age. Instead choosing to ask me what they are saying, or tell me what they said.

This morning, he came to ask me what M was talking about. I hadn't heard the conversation, so I called the M over to explain what he had said. Apparently he had been talking to his best friend about doing somersaults. I asked the J if he could do somersaults, and he said no. I asked him if he wanted to learn, and to have the other boys show him, which they were only too happy to do.

Then they all did somersaults for a while, with J running along behind copying what the older boys were doing.

But the funniest part of the whole thing was listening to their conversation.

M: "R! Did you see that?

R: "Yeah."

M, in a high-pitched voice: "Did you see that?"

R: "Look what I can do, M!"

There was much more interesting discourse that has since slipped my mind. It got even more interesting when the 3 year old girl jumped into the conversation. It's fun to hear the serious conversation of a 3 year old!

Parents, Divorce, and Stressed Children

In case I haven't mentioned this, I am a childcare provider.  I work out of my home, and have a full-time assistant.  Working with other people's children is a very sensitive job.  I understand the liability involved in caring for children, and how a parent might worry about what is going on during the day, or how their child is being treated.  We've all heard horror stories about horrible daycares.

No parent will ever believe that anyone else could do as good a job of raising their child as they do.  However, most of us have to work, and as a result, they end up paying someone else to take over that job while they're away.  The trick is to find a provider that is as closely matched to your child-rearing style as possible, and with whom you feel comfortable.

When I interview a potential parent/client, I try to be as up-front and open about my style as possible, in order to eliminate any misunderstandings down the road.  I also try to create a relaxed atmosphere that would make it easy for a parent to come to me if they have a concern, so we can discuss and resolve any issues before they become overwhelming.  Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn't.

This week I had a new child start in my program.  This child is two years old, and has never been in a child care setting before this, except for an hour or two at the gym. 

I generally try to warn parents that the first few weeks are tough for a child in this situation, at this age.  They are old enough to understand the lengthy amount of time their parents are away, yet young enough to easily forget that their parents will come back for them.  It takes days, and sometimes weeks, for a child this age to understand that mom or dad will be back to get them, every day.  In the meantime, it is very scary to be dropped off at a stranger's house for what seems like an endless day.  It takes an equal amount of time for the child to feel comfortable, and comforted in this new environment.

However, once the routine is established, and they have gotten to know me, and the other children, they become very secure.  Children crave structure and the security of knowing what to expect.  It doesn't take long for them to accept and adapt to this new routine.

To make the child mentioned above even more unsettled, two weeks before starting, her parents split up.  This is a lot of change in a short period of time.  Understandably, she was upset.  For the entire week she just wanted to be held and comforted.  Each day she cried less, but it was still difficult.  By the end of the week, she was able to quietly sit in my lap and watch the other children play, but had not gotten confident enough to engage in any of the activities.  

Her mother was quite distressed by this.  Her usually bubbly, happy, talkative child had become a distressed, clingy, scared little thing in a matter of a week.  Although I tried to explain that this was to be expected, it was too much and her mother pulled her out of care.

This didn't bother me.  I feel bad for the little girl.  Wherever she goes next, she will have to start the process over.  Each time will get easier for her, but not without cost.  Children adapt.  Given time, she will recover her bubbly self.  I have no doubt of that.  However, if as a parent, you aren't satisfied or comfortable in any way, it is your duty to find a better environment.  I understand that.

However, what bothered me was her parting shot.  The mother called at 3:00 pm to tell me she was pulling her daughter out, and that the dad would be there at 4:30 to pick her up.  She then said "I hope you can take good care of her until he gets there."

I was stunned.  Understand that I have spent the ENTIRE WEEK holding this child, to the exclusion of every other, because that is what she needed, and her mother sounded worried about her safety in the hour and a half remaining in the day.  I honestly don't know what she meant, or what she was implying, but I'm still stunned.  What did she think was going on?

I don't know.  It must have been just as scary for the mother to see this change in her daughter, but I can't help but feel offended by this comment.  What do you think?

Education these days...

Today, I ran into a dad from my son's kindergarten class last year.  I stopped to ask him how his son was doing in first grade.  He said his son was struggling with the work that was being expected of him.  The stress of the school day was getting released when he got home, and the family was feeling the brunt of his frustration.  The sad thing about it is that this little boy is a really sweet kid, and really tries hard to please the adults in his life.

My son had the same trouble last year.  The work they were requiring of these kindergartners was way beyond anything they should have been doing.  There were 10-12 pages of homework worksheets every week.  And these worksheets would include, for example, a page of fractions.  (And I don't mean a picture of a pizza cut into thirds, but rather the actual written notation of 1/3.)  In addition to trying to understand the concept of a top number/line/bottom number as representing a portion of a whole, the worksheets also included fraction math problems.  In kindergarten!!  

Now, my five year old was still trying to grasp the concept that 4 was less than 8, and they were trying to teach him that 1/8 was less than 1/4.  This annoyed me a great deal.  He definitely didn't understand it, and I ended up sending the worksheets back unfinished, with a note to the teacher that I didn't want my five year old doing this type of work.  Needless to say, I was not his teacher's favorite parent.

I have to explain that the elementary school in my neighborhood is a highly academic school, and they start pushing the kids in kindergarten to do things they really are not ready to do.  This continues through sixth grade.  Last year, another parent whose daughter had graduated from this school into middle school was telling me how her daughter thought that middle school was a piece of cake as compared to what she'd had to do in elementary school.  For this reason, the school is a nationally recognized blue ribbon school (whatever that means).

However, as a result of the stress of trying to do work he wasn't equipped to do and learn things he had no interest in learning, all the while being told to sit quietly because the teacher had way too many kids in her classroom, my son became a completely different kid by the end of the school year.  He became aggressive, unmanageable, and mean.  This is not his nature at all.  He was constantly being punished for bad behavior, at home and at school, when the cause of his trauma was a school system that doesn't understand how to teach five-year-olds.   I didn't see the connection between school and his behavior change until the school year ended.  Two weeks into summer break he was back to being the boy I remembered him to be.

Needless to say, I felt terrible for subjecting him to such a traumatic representation of what school could be.  The worst thing about it was that I knew better.  I've not only taken years of child development classes, but I've also spent a good amount of time listening to neurology specialists talk about the development of the human brain during the first 12 years of life.  I know there's a better way of educating.

So after that horrific year, I pulled him out of our nationally-recognized, blue-ribbon school, and put him into a Waldorf-inspired charter school.  He's also repeating kindergarten, since he didn't make their age cut-off date for first grade (which is MUCH earlier than traditional schools).  He's happy, and I'm happy.  I'm so happy about the things he's learning, and not learning, that I can't seem to shut up about it once I get started on the subject.

I will tell you all about the wonderful school he is now attending, and why I think it's so wonderful, in a later post.  I'll also add another about how I think our school system is failing our kids.  I also have to say that I believe that there are some children well-suited to the current method of teaching.

For right now, I just wonder what can be done to save the kids like the one I ran into today, whose parents are just trying to provide him with the best education they can.  Doesn't he deserve to be taught in a manner better suited to his age, gender, or learning style?  Should one-size-fits-all really apply to education?

Children and Money

I have been struggling with the need to teach my son about money.  He's six.  He won't be going into credit card debt anytime soon, but I know that true education starts much younger than we consciously think.  Learning starts by watching and emulating the people around you.

I have had conversations with friends who have kids, and some who don't, about how to teach my son the value of a dollar.  My husband and I do very well, we aren't wealthy, but we definitely don't scrimp at the grocery store.  We live in an upscale suburb, so he's surrounded by friends who also aren't hurting for money.  

In addition, he has grandparents who are well off, and being the oldest grandchild by a few years, he has had no shortage of attention from that front.  He's also my older sister's only child, so she can't help but spoil him, and she and her husband are doing just fine as well.

He's surrounded by people who don't really put a lot of worry and thought into paying the bills.  So how do I teach him that there are lots of people that do worry, that he can't take for granted that he will always be taken care of, and that even if he never has to worry a day in his life, it is still good practice to know how to conserve.

I apparently have to give kudos to my mother.  We were dirt poor when I was growing up.  She was a single mother of seven, and making do on fairly little.  It wasn't just the fact that we couldn't afford any of the things the other kids had, but that she made it clear why we couldn't afford it.  I remember early on, well before I was 10, being shown the breakdown of her income, and what the bills were, and how much money that left for food.

My mother didn't believe in credit.  Actually, my mother couldn't afford credit.  If she couldn't set aside enough to save for whatever extra thing needed buying, then she definitely couldn't afford to make a monthly payment plus pay interest on whatever it was she had to buy.

I also remember doing our grocery shopping at whatever big warehouse food places came before Costco.  We definitely didn't pay for membership, but we did use the huge flats and buy in bulk.  For us, that meant 20# bags of dried beans, 40# bags of flour for tortillas, 20# bags of rice.  These were essentials.  We survived on rice, beans, and tortillas.  Potatoes, eggs, and oatmeal were also staples.  I remember getting a fat black grease pen at the door so we can keep a tally of what we were spending.  Foodstamps made these trips possible.  I also remember feeling grateful for the block of American cheese, powdered milk, and sometimes bread given out by the government, although being equally conscious of not wanting to be seen in that line.

I also remember sitting at the car dealership watching and listening as my mother bargained for a car.  Maybe this is where I got the idea that an inexpensive new car is ultimately cheaper than a used car if you have no money for repairs.  That 5 year warranty is essential.  Reliability is much more important than a lower car payment in the long run.  However, that didn't mean she didn't work that payment down.  I remember her ordering a car without a/c, without a radio, without automatic, without any of the extras that ultimately added to the bottom line.  This was before everything was "bundled" and you didn't have a choice.

All of this gave me a sense of the cost of things.  I knew what running a household cost.  I knew not to expect to go on field trips at school if they cost money; there was none to spare.  I knew why we got our clothes from the local charity organizations.  So, even without really noticing, I was learning a lot about money.

I'm definitely not frugal, but I understand the finite nature of money.

So back to my original thought, how do I pass this on to my son when he sees his dad's extensive collection of toys, his mother's extensive collection of books, and his own room full of toys.  He definitely isn't getting everything he sees and wants.  He also isn't spoiled like many of his friends seem to be.  But I still want to teach him about costs, and the choices in where to spend; how spending one place means less or no money for something else.

All in all, I'm thankful for the education my mother gave me in this.  There were so many things she did badly, but this... this was good.