Validation

Tonight I was with a group of women friends and the topic of discussion turned to validation.  What does feeling validated mean?  What would it look like to be validated by the important people in your life, like your parents, your spouse, your friends?

It was an interesting discussion.  One of the women mentioned how her husband validates her every day by saying "I love you" at unlikely moments.  I never thought I needed validation from anyone outside of myself, but thinking about it in those terms I realized that that isn't the truth.  It only took a moment to realize that all my life has been a struggle for validation by the people I respect and admire.  

The difference between my friend and I, is that I don't feel validated by being loved, but rather by being respected.  I'm constantly striving for the great idea or success that would grant me recognition by the people I consider to be wise or intelligent.  I want to feel that my opinions are respected, that my ideas have merit.

I can't say that I've reached that goal.  I can't say I've had an idea or thought that would merit that kind of acknowledgment.  But I do know that this struggle motivates me to analyze my ideas, organize my thoughts, and try to present them coherently.  More often than not I get flustered, and all of my well-thought-out ideas scatter like marbles on ice, but I'm still trying!

What validates you?  What would you most like to hear, and from whom, that would make you feel validated?