Christmas, ugh

Yesterday I thought we should put up our Christmas tree.  I usually put it up Thanksgiving weekend, but this year I had a paper due, and that consumed all of my time.

A few years ago we bought a massive fake tree on sale after Christmas for the price of 2-3 live trees of equal size.  (We have a large space in our entryway that warrants a large tree.)  The theory was that 3 years of using the artificial tree would put us into the black, and the fourth year we'd be saving money.  Unfortunately, we made the mistake of buying a pre-lighted tree.  Somehow we thought this would make putting up the tree so much easier.

Year 1:  We pull it out of the box.  It comes in six pieces labeled A-F, piece of cake.  Granted, the bottom two pieces are massive and take two people to get onto the stand, but no biggie.  Then we spend HOURS unbending each branch to make it appear somewhat lifelike, and less like it had been ironed.  Needless to say, after all of that rearranging, it no longer fit into the box it came in.  We end up throwing the whole thing in the garage (in pieces of course).

Year 2:  Ok, this year is everything we had hoped for.  After replacing some burned bulbs, the tree goes up relatively simply, and all is well.  I discovered from the previous year that the tree sat too low to the floor, and I couldn't fit anything under, so I decide we need to raise it.  Having few materials at hand, we come up with a pile of kids mats, extra floor tiles and carpet samples to make a large square.  

After Christmas, we buy the largest bins we can find at Target, and we manage to stuff two sections of the tree into each of two bins, but the two bottom sections are too long.  They don't make larger bins than these.  We end up tossing pieces E & F into the garage as is.

Year 3:  The day we were set to assemble the tree I decide we need to build a better platform for the tree.  We have plywood, we have a table saw, it shouldn't be difficult to build a box.  I make the necessary measurements, and Michael and I go out to set up the tools.  It's freezing cold.  After much arguing, we manage to get a box made.  It is definitely strong enough to hold this monstrosity of a tree.  

Happy now, we start the assembly.  None of the lights turn on.  None.  Starting at the bottom I start replacing bulbs.  There are thousands of bulbs on this tree.  After an hour or two of replacing fuses and replacing bulbs with no results, I call the store where we bought it.  They sell a nifty tool to get light strands restarted.  Cool.  We go buy that.  It does help to get the lights on, so we can see which are the burned out bulbs.  I still end up spending HOURS replacing at least 100 bulbs.  

This year I'm determined to find something in which to store the bottom two tree pieces.  Subsequently, the tree stays up until March before I give up in defeat.

Year 4:  This year.  We dig the tree out of the shed where it ended up in March.  The top pieces are still in their bins, and the sections E & F are still just tossed in.  Of course, the rat that I had considered merely a nuisance in the shed earlier this year had chosen to sharpen his teeth on the light strands, and chewed through the wires of the bottom piece in over a dozen places.  I start to reconnect the split wiring, but I can't find enough damaged areas to get even a single light strand lit, so I start unwinding a light strand.  It's very long; and surpisingly intact.  I finally get the strand off and plug it in.  Nothing.  There is no visible reason why it shouldn't work.  I try the nifty gadget from last year.  Nothing.  I consider that the batteries in it might be dead, and make a trip to Target for new batteries.  Still nothing.  I test the bulbs on the nifty gadget, and... nothing.  I start replacing bulbs.  When I've replaced all but the last 4 or so, the strand lights up.  Geez.  So then I go back to check how many of the ones I replaced were actually dead.  Of the 50 lights on the strand, at least 30 are dead.  Now I've burned through all of my replacement bulbs, and ask Michael to get more at Target.  Apparently you can only get a pack of five, and only the bulb, without the green bottom part.  If this strand is any indication, I'm going to have to replace HUNDREDS of bulbs.  I can't believe this.  I look on the internet.  Same deal.

We come to the conclusion that the light strands on pre-lighted trees are crap, and we would be better off to unwind all the strands and put on our own light strands.  After approximately 3 hours of work, we have the bottom piece light free.  Five sections to go.  Ugh.