Period...

Forgive me.  I'm slipping off the wagon for another rant.  I apologize right now to all of the men who follow my blog.  You are probably all sleeping with someone who deals with this, and is too polite to say anything about it.  You can stop reading now, if you so choose.  I won't be offended.

By period I mean: menstruation, on-the-rag, my time-of-the-month, and any other PC term for bleeding profusely from the crotch.  And by rant I mean: I don't understand how women go through this thing every month without complaint.  Well, maybe WITHOUT is a little too absolute.

I'm having my first period in 5 years, due to getting my IUD replaced.  Apparently yanking the old one out and stuffing a new one in causes stuff to come loose.  It's lasted all of a day and a half, and I'm already ready to cut my uterus out with a carving knife.  Now I remember why I wanted a hysterectomy for so many years.

It's like giving birth; you remember it was painful, but you don't remember the actual pain.  I knew there was a reason I loved not having a period, but until I went through it again, I didn't remember just how much of a pain in the ... it was.

Here's to another 5 years!  Cheers!

The End of the Year

At this time of the year most are looking forward to, and making resolutions for, the new year.  Resolutions are about malcontent.  Resolutions are about changing something we dislike about ourselves or what we do, into something more favorable.  Resolutions carry a fear of failure.

However, this is a good time to look over the past year and affirm the positive things that we have done or accomplished this year.  This is a good exercise for everyone.  This Christmas I suggested that my family all take a moment to write in a notebook or journal the things that happened in 2008 that was worth remembering.  I look forward to reading through these small things in years to come and remembering the little things I probably wouldn't otherwise recall.

Today, in honor of the year that is wrapping up, I'm making note of things that I would probably have ignored as part of my life, and not worth mentioning.

This time every year is all about taxes for me.  It takes me most of December and all of January to get my business documents completed for tax filing.  Every year I feel a huge sense of accomplishment and relief when I finally can turn everything over to my accountant to file.  The upside is that all my work is usually rewarded with a tax refund!  This year was no different.  The completion of all the documentation is always accompanied by a sense of relief and accomplishment.

One of the big things I accomplished this year was the writing of a business plan.  This was an endeavor that I honestly doubted I could accomplish, and although the business plan proved that my business idea wasn't something I could afford to pursue, it was still quite an accomplishment to complete.  The writing and the research for this one document took 3 months, and proved to me that I could do something distasteful (I'm not fond of research), and that I could overcome my fear of failure with persistence and hard work.

This fall I started a master's program at my local university.  It's a cohort program, which means I move through the entire program with the same set of students.  It offers an opportunity to build relationships that I never had an opportunity to do during my years as a night student earning my bachelor's degree.  In addition, I am proud of myself for starting something I've wanted to do since I completed my undergraduate degree.  Although this puts an added financial and time burden on my family, I'm so proud to finally be working towards this goal.

The accomplishment of which I am most proud this year, was something my husband and I did together.  In January of 2008 I heard about a program to pay down our mortgage.  It was an interesting plan, but we had a lot of work to do on our debt to get to a place where we could start.  With a commitment to budgeting, as well as following the guidelines of the plan, we have put a dent in our debt that we would not have been able to do had we continued as we were.  We have a long way to go to, and there is more we could do, but what we have done deserves mention.  Getting started, and sticking to the plan, was quite an accomplishment.

What have you done this year that you are proud of?  It doesn't have to be something big.  Maybe it was a small accomplishment that no one else noticed.  It's a worthy exercise to make note of these things.  With time, we tend to gloss over our accomplishments and focus on our failures.  Take a moment to think about your year.  I'd love to hear from you if you want to share! 

Stomp!

I just went to the most magical, musical, noise-making I've ever heard.  It was called Stomp!   What an amazing thing to see these performers make music out of the sound that comes from their hands, feet, and the miscellaneous items found in a hardware store.

I'm around noise makers all day.  In fact, they are often making noise with the exact same instruments.  Maybe that's why it is so amazing that a little choreography can turn it into something cool!

Buying the tickets was my husband's idea.  Although I was mildly interested in the show, I probably wouldn't have spent the money on the tickets.  However, my husband thought our 6-year-old would enjoy it, and he was right.  Even though the show started at 8 pm, which is his bedtime, he was fascinated almost every moment.  I think he was interested in how they were making the sounds that they made.  And he definitely enjoyed the audience participation.  He even did pretty well about remaining quiet during the performance and not getting out of his seat.

I'm glad we went.  I'm especially happy he got to see it.  He's a very musical boy.  I hope this plants great ideas in his head about how creativity makes music, not necessarily the instrument you are using.

The Last Lecture

I just finished the book  by that title.  I know, I'm way behind the curve, and everyone has heard, seen, or read about the last lecture.  And yes, although I had heard about the book and the lecture via Oprah, I hadn't gotten around to reading the book or seeing the lecture.

One of my clients was nice enough to get me the book as a Christmas gift.  I have to say, if you haven't read the book, you should.  The chapters are really, really short.  It's perfect for a bathroom book, if that's the only time you get to yourself!

The reason I love the book is the reason why so many people were drawn to it, I guess.  It is so full of optimism.  There are many great points he makes in the book.  I've listed some of my favorites here.

It's a good thing when someone is willing to tell you how you're screwing up.  It means they haven't given up on you.

People are more important than things.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

A bad apology is worse than no apology.

Tell the truth.  All the time.

With rights come responsibility.  Be a communitarian.

Make a decision: Tigger or Eeyore.

On a side note, he makes mention of a line in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium that only reinforced my idea that it's a great movie.  Probably not in the way most people think of great movies, but rather a movie that makes you think.

I think the point of the book, and why it struck so many, was that he lived his whole life as if every day mattered.  Then when he was told he was going to die, it wasn't a stretch for him to finish with a bang.  There are some great lessons to be learned.  Like me, some might be something you already subscribe to, and some of it might be new.  All of it is worth reminding yourself.

So what are you going to DO about it?

I had an awesome conversation with a really good friend today over lunch.  One of the things I love about meeting one-on-one with this guy is that eventually our conversations always end up being about our goals and plans for our future.  We never plan it, it just seems to happen.

One of the cool by-products of such a conversation is that I always go home inspired by our lunch conversation.  Today, we talked about turning malcontent into a plan of action.  One of the lines that I came away with was "what are you going to DO about it?"  We were talking about complaining about circumstances, versus using circumstances as a vehicle for change.  (Do I sound like Obama?  I mean real change.)

We talked about our immediate future, and then more long-term dreams, and how we might make them happen.  Or, in my case, even if it's a vague idea, what steps could I take in the right direction.  Like I said, I came away inspired.

Part of my resolve was to write out my goals.  We agreed that it is easy to dream big dreams, but it always helps to process them aloud.  The trick is to have someone you feel safe processing with that won't immediately laugh you out of the ballpark.  He's that kind of person.

I don't seem to have much trouble verbalizing dreams, but for me it always seems more like a test-drive.  When I talk about plans, I'm always looking for a reaction to see if it's a good idea or a horrible one.  

In this post, I'm just laying out goals for my future.  You wanna hear it?  Here it goes.

I want to travel.  That seems to be highest on my list these days.  I'm getting older, and there are many places I haven't seen.  If I'm going to get to them all, I had better start soon.

I want to own my own business.  Now this may seem ridiculous since I currently own my own business, but I don't want to do this business forever (or very much longer, in fact), but whatever I do next would still (ideally) be my own.

I would like to combine those two things into a business that would allow me to travel, and thus write off the travel as a business expense.  In lieu of being able to call it a business trip, I would like a business that could be done from anywhere in the world, so I can travel without the constraints of a set return date.

I would like to use what I've learned and whatever skills I possess to help someone else attain a dream that might not otherwise be within reach.  This goes along with having a flexible business because it would require a commitment of my time.  I've always had a dream, way back in the back of my mind, to start a school for disadvantaged kids that would inspire them to leap out of their comfort zones and do something they never thought they were capable of doing.  Now I know that there are plenty of schools like that, they just are usually out of the price range of these kids.  The key would be to find kids with the desire and will to work hard, and put them into a position to accomplish their goals.

Who knows, maybe there isn't a need for that, with all the charities and special-interest groups that exist nowadays.  I have only my own experience to draw reference from, and I know it would have been cool to have gotten a leg up when I was still in school, instead of having to wait until I was well into adulthood to see the possibilities.

Anyway, this is a start...

Family

Christmas is over, and although it got off to a shaky start, the day ended up being perfect representation of what this holiday means to me.  From 8 am to 8 pm I was surrounded by family.

My sister and her husband came to my house to do our annual stocking exercise.  This part of Christmas was almost cancelled this year, in my decidedly un-Christmas attitude, and a desire to not spend recklessly on stuff we neither want nor need but fits the criteria of "stocking stuffer".  Thankfully, my husband objected to that plan, and we agreed on a compromise of not purchasing useless filler junk, but rather thoughtfully selecting things we hoped were useful, or little things that we use every day anyway.  The idea was not to spend money on things that would ultimately end up in the trash within days.  I think we succeeded, and although we probably still spent more than we should have, it was worth it to not miss this part of Christmas morning.

We also use this time to exchange our gifts to each other, so my sister and husband went home to play with her new wii fit while we went to my husband's parent's home to exchange gifts with them.  This is ultimately where we spent the rest of the day.  My husband's parents also hosted his aunt, uncle, cousins AND dinner, so we spent the rest of the day there.  My sister and her husband joined us there for dinner in the early afternoon and stayed until the end of the day.

For the first time in a long time (my memory is shaky, so this could have been last year) the whole family was able to spend much of the day together.  This included my husband's brother and his wife and kids, his sister and her husband and kids, and my sister and her husband.  For some reason, I don't remember the logistics of that happening in quite some time.   It was nice.

We even managed a cursory salute to Jesus for my son (although I think he'd moved on from his thought of celebrating Jesus, because he didn't seem overly impressed) with a reading of the birth story in Luke, and a hilarious "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake made by his grandmother.

So, thank you to my family for making time to be together.  It is ultimately what makes this day special for me.

Great Friends

I chatted with a long-time friend yesterday that I haven't spoken to in a few months.  It was great to hear from him, and catch up a little on what's going on in his life.  After a somewhat short conversation where he told me about his new job, and then gave me pointers for my resume, we promised to keep in touch, and signed off.

Just before that conversation, I'd gotten a phone call from another friend who had been reading my blog, and thinking of me.  I had playfully guilted her into reading it after spending all day Sunday with her and my sister making tamales for Christmas.

And shortly after signing off, another friend dropped by to borrow my computer to upload some photos from a cd to a photo-printing website.  It was great to see her and talk about the little things going on in our lives at the moment.  I don't see her very often, so it was nice that she thought of me first when she needed to use a computer!

And then, a couple of days ago I ran into someone I haven't seen since summer.  It was a chance meeting at Mervyn's, checking out the last-minute-before-closing-forever deals.  It was cool to see her, just to say hello.  My son had just been talking about her family that very day.  It was very weird timing, but very cool.

For a very unChristmasy season, I've been reminded several times in just a few days that I am surrounded by friends.  And not only that I have great friends, but friends that are still good friends even when they don't hear from me on a regular basis.  That is truly a rare gift.

Malcontent on hold...

My husband suggested today that I take a break from my malcontent and focus on the positives in my life for one whole day.  His suggestion was specifically that every time I think of something I am dissatisfied with, to put it on hold until tomorrow.

Well, I believe that to be a very good idea.  I am a believer in "the secret", "the law of attraction", "vision boards", and any other what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of philosophy.  I am putting my malcontent on hold to focus on those things that are good in my life.  I believe that what goes around comes around, and although it is much easier to complain than to praise, I'm going to give it a try.

Starting now, I'm putting my malcontent on hold and writing solely about the things I am happy about for an undisclosed period of time (I can't promise this will hold).

So here is a rudimentary list of the things I'm grateful for:

My husband

My son

My sister, her husband, my in-laws

Great friends

A house I love

My sewing machine

An awesomely comfortable bed

An income

My son's school

Books

This blog, and learning to appreciate writing

Vauna

The internet

My iPhone

This is a SAMPLING.  I'm sure there are plenty more that I'm leaving out.  I will most likely write about one or all of these, and any other thing that comes to mind, in the near future.

I could use some positivity in my life, and it's a rather good idea to start with myself!

Thanks Michael!

Where Have All the Leaders Gone?

I just finished Lee Iococca's book, Where Have All the Leaders Gone?  And I have to say, it struck a nerve.  For quite a while, I've been thinking the same thing.  Every four years we elect a president to lead the country, however we don't really elect a leader, but rather whoever best panders to the whims of the population.  Corporations don't seem to have leadership anymore, but rather compensation packages.

Throughout the book I was riled up.  If you haven't read it, you should.  But mostly I was thinking, why not me?  I think I have what it takes to be a leader.  I know some of you who know me will agree, and some will laugh.  Believe me, I know where I fall short.

I was born with a knack for working with people, common sense, more self-confidence than I deserve, a better-than-average intelligence, and a drive to be something.  What I lack is creativity, influential people, direction, and a mentor.

Every entrepreneurial how-to book or article I've read consistently says the same thing: Get a mentor.  How does a person go about doing that?  Throughout my life and working career I only ever once met a person I admired, who had any interest in furthering my career.  Even still, it was hard for me to treat him as a mentor even though I regarded him as such, because I didn't want to presume when he never came out and said as much.  After all, he was a VP and I was rank and file.  However, I did respect him a great deal, and even though I didn't keep in contact with him after leaving that job, I still smile when I think about him.

Even Iacocca himself admitted to getting where he was because of three great men in his life that acted as his mentors.

I want to be a leader.  I want to use whatever talent I have, and the skills I've learned, for something worthwhile.  How do I go about finding the person that can see what is possible, give advice, ask the tough questions, teach, and believe in me?  Is such a thing possible for everyone, or is that something reserved for the lucky?

Kids these days...

Today I attended an assembly at my son's school.  I attended because the students in grades 2-8 were performing for the school and parents, and I wanted to see what that was about.  My son is in kindergarten.  Someday, that will be him on stage, so I wanted to see it.

One thing that drives me nuts about his school is that it doesn't seem to be very organized.  So, although they invited parents to attend the assembly, they were not set up to accommodate them.  I ended up standing in the aisle alongside the 7th graders.  Apparently, they were also not really expecting the kindergartners, because the principal seemed concerned that they were taking up space where the 1st and 2nd graders were supposed to be sitting.

Anyway, each grade got up on the stage and performed a song or two with a small introduction to the piece by the teacher of that grade.  The first few groups did admirably.  Unfortunately, as the assembly progressed I couldn't help but be distracted by the constant chatter and movement of the 7th graders sitting next to where I was standing.  

Eventually I got annoyed enough to go speak to one group of girls that were doing a lot of chatting and messing around.  I explained that it was only respectful of them to quietly listen to the other performers if they wanted that same response to their performance.  After that, they quieted.

But a couple of songs later I was again annoyed by the talking in the row behind them.  Again, 7th graders, but this time it was the teacher commenting to one of his students about the song being performed.  I was appalled.  This entire class was restless, disruptive, and constantly whispering, but they were 12-13 years old.  This was the teacher!  After watching him for a while, and not catching his eye, I finally told him to be quiet.  I even said "aren't you a teacher?".  He apologized and shut up.

When they got up to perform, it was evident that his whole class was apathetic to the process.  Of all the grades performing, his was the only one that had very little participation or preparation.  None of the boys in his class chose to sing, and the teacher didn't even seem to know the words of the song he had chosen.  This, after professing a love of music, of starting each day with music, and of being proud to watch his class play instruments and learn new songs.

After the performance, a couple of girls ended up with the sticks they had used to keep time.  Watching as one of the girls relentlessly poked every person around her with the stick, I finally went over and took it away and gave it back to the teacher.

I constantly worry about the behavior of my son.  Not being in many situations where sitting quietly is required, I worry about him learning this skill.  He's been to performances and concerts, and is getting better as he gets older, but sitting still is still something he struggles with.  During this assembly, he sat quietly among his kindergarten peers in the front, without any direct adult supervision.  However, this group of preteens and their teacher had yet to master the respect of appreciating the performances of their schoolmates.

By the end, I just wanted to get out of there, and hope to shout that he doesn't get this teacher when he gets to the upper grades.  Where has the respect gone?  I know that kids today are not taught the respect we learned as children.  That is considered somehow repressive to their spirit.  But is that really true?  Aren't we doing them a grave disservice by downplaying the importance of common decency?

God, what do you want from me?

Here are the other two passages:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."    Philippians 4:6-7

This promise of peace is what brought me back to God in the first place.  I've been anxious my whole life.  I've been responsible, planned my future, took control and made my way in the world.  Starting from nothing, I've done pretty well, considering.

However, I'm still anxious.  I still worry that my income might not cover my expenses.  Owning my own business, there is no such thing as a sure paycheck, but isn't that the fear of every other person, right now too?  I would like nothing better than to give that over to Someone Else to manage.  It's just not in my nature.  I'm a survivor.  Survivors don't hand over control of their life to anyone.  It's hard enough to trust people you know and love, much less trust Someone invisible, and possibly make-believe.

I want to believe.  There's got to be more out there than me, and this one short life.  More than that, though, I just want peace... and love... and community.  Those three things point me to God.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11-13

God wants peace for me, He wants to offer me a future, and hope.  Hope is not something I believe in.  Hope = disappointment.  I'd rather not hope, then I'm always pleasantly surprised.  But the catch is, "all your heart".

I grew up believing in God the Punisher.  Whatever I admitted to loving was always taken from me.  I don't know if this was God, or just my mother.  However, I have an innate fear of getting too attached, of expressing too much love, for fear that what I love will disappear.  So every day I struggle with letting go, surrender, letting God lead.  By the end of the day I have taken back control and am frantically running around trying to make everything work.  It feels like I'm handing over the reins, but still holding on to the very tips "just in case".

Surrender is a hard thing.  How do I know that by surrendering, I'm not just drifting with the tide and letting thing happen TO me?

God, what's true?

I was raised in a really strict religion.  Seventh-Day Adventists believe all of the bible except the part where Jesus said he came to fulfill the law, and the part that says what God has cleansed we should not call unclean.  Well, I think they partially agree with that last statement, just not when it comes to the Levitical law on food.

Returning to the church, I decided to go the non-denominational route so as not to get caught up in doctrine and dogma.  These churches are more liberal.  They are all about grace, and believing that Jesus fulfilled the old law and gave a new, simpler law.  The new law is to love God first and completely, and then love everyone else like you love yourself.

So, worshipping God is not about rules, it's about love.

I have to say, I've learned a lot about love in the last few years.  My heart has softened somewhat from the cold lump of rock it was.  I also have to admit to having a long way to go.

But if that was all there was to it, wouldn't the bible be much, much shorter?

I read a passage this morning in Hebrews that seems to imply that we should still be honoring the Sabbath.  There is also a lot of talk in the gospels about Jesus trying to lighten up the restrictions of the Sabbath and restore the spirit of the day.  So which is it?  Are the 10 commandments old news?  Or are they still law?  Oh!  Maybe they've been converted to "guidelines".

These questions, and many more, plague me with doubt.  James says that if you want to know, ask God... but then gives a tongue-lashing to anyone who doubts.

"Answer me speedily, O Lord; my spirit fails!  Cause me to hear your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust;  cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You.  Teach me to do Your will, for you are my God."  Psalm 143:7-10

This is what prompted this rambling.  This passage and a couple of others.  It seems like I'm asking, but either I'm not listening, or He's not answering.

I'll write about the other troubling ones next.

Commercial Christmas

I'm getting burnt-out on the commercial focus of Christmas.  Growing up, my mother didn't believe in celebrating Catholic holidays, and therefore what I saw of Christmas was the view out the car window as we drove through town.  Even so, Christmas holds a lot of nostalgia for me.

My favorite Christmas song was, and still is, Silver Bells.  For me, that song embodied the spirit of Christmas.  (Lyrics here: www.41051.com/xmaslyrics/silverbells.html)  The idea of shoppers, amid the twinkling holiday lights, smiling at each other while sharing a moment of camaraderie because of a common goal was idyllic and romantic.  It was suffused with a feeling of community, joy, and giving.

However, since then, Christmas has become more of a chore.  I was hoping to restore some of the wonder of the season by seeing it through my son's eyes, but it appears that my cynicism and lack of wonder has worn off on him, instead.  The other day, while driving home, he told me he'd like to "not just celebrate Christmas, but also celebrate Jesus".  He said something along the lines of Jesus being born on this day and needing some mention.  I know he didn't get that idea from me.  It must have been from one of his Christmas CD's.

My focus has changed from finding the coolest gift that would best express how well I know and love the members of my family to how to most efficiently get through this month of "extra work". 

Knowing Christmas is only one week away, I have barely gotten my tree erected but it still lacks lights and ornaments.  I have wrapped no gifts (but I'm having a wrapping party, so I'm intentionally leaving it until then).  I have not even unpacked any of my other decorations and the only indication that this is December is the unfestive, humungous, artificial tree in my entryway.  I'm feeling a little outside of the "spirit of Christmas".

Every year I wonder how to get it back, and every year there doesn't seem to be time for the "spirit".  Maybe next year...

Waldorf Education... (so much for shorter!)

Ok, I promised a post about why I think my son's school is so cool.  I want to stress that this is my opinion.  Some or all of you may not agree with me.  For those of you who have looked into Waldorf, and like what you see, you'll understand.

My son is going to a Waldorf-inspired, charter school.  The "waldorf-inspired" is an important distinction, requested by the private Waldorf schools, to demonstrate that the charter does not offer all of the features or opportunities of the private school.  (It also means it's free, or nearly-free, as opposed to costing around $12k/year.)  This is a public school, part of the school district, that has been granted a charter by either the district or the state (I'm not sure which), to teach in the Waldorf method.  The school is required by the district to have credentialed teachers in every classroom, but the school requires that the teacher ALSO have completed some or all of the Waldorf teacher training.

Personally, I like this feature.  I like knowing that his teachers have the same credentials as any public school teacher.  I also like that these teachers loved the Waldorf method of teaching so much they opted to go back to school to complete yet another teaching program.  I also love that they felt like there was a better way of teaching than what is currently being offered, and set out to find out more about it.  All of them could get better paying jobs at other schools.  They chose to teach here, for the love of the children.  That speaks to me.

The instructors in all of my child development classes so far seem to agree on one thing; kids are being pushed way too hard, way too early, in a desperate attempt to bring our test scores up and show the rest of the country/world that we are dedicated to giving our kids a great education.  It seems to me that the people deciding curriculum look at the problem like this:

Problem:  The reading scores for 4th graders have plummeted.

Solution:  Begin teaching the child to read in preschool and kindergarten to give the child a 'head start'.

Problem:  Math scores for freshman students are at 4th grade levels.

Solution:  Start teaching basic mathematics in preschool, so teachers can focus on more advanced math in kindergarten and 1st grade.  Introduce complex ideas early to prepare them for what is to come.

(Note:  There is more to it than that, this is a hypothetical, simplification.  Emphasis on "seems".)

The Waldorf method, however, emphasizes building a foundation, or context, for learning in the early years, and as the child ages, increases the educational context.  So while the brain is still developing, these teachers focus on listening, comprehension, movement, small-motor skills, community, team-building, sensory data, and immediate and long-term results.  

For instance, a large part of the kindergarten day is storytelling and working with the hands.  The storytelling requires the teacher to memorize a story (usually Grimm's fairy tales or similar stories) and re-tell the same story to the children every day for two weeks.  In the beginning, the story is told while the children sit and listen.  After a couple of days, the story is then told while using puppets to act out the parts.  Finally, the children become the characters and act out the story while the teacher tells it.  By the end of the two week period, the child has internalized the story.  He has been given time to become familiar with the whole story, focus on the words he may not have understood, and infer meaning to those words by the context and the acting of the story.  His vocabulary has grown, he understands the makings of a story, he has walked through the stages of the story, understanding sequence, and internalized the moral of the story implicit in most fairy tales or fables. 

The children work with their hands in a variety of ways.  The children work with beeswax, manipulating it into various shapes.  They play in the sand, pouring and sifting.  They work with wood, filing blocks into different shapes.  They learn a handwork skill, in kindergarten it is finger-knitting.  All of this builds the sensory-motor intelligence of the child.

Studies have shown that retention is stronger when the learning process is accompanied by movement.  Learning with more than one sense at a time (auditory and visual; auditory and kinesthetic; auditory, visual, and kinesthetic; auditory, oral, visual, kinesthetic and tactile) increases the probability of committing the materials to memory.  The more senses used, the better the chance of fully internalizing the subject.

But most importantly, the entire method of instruction is based first on experience, then on relating those experiences to the problem at hand.  The school tries in every way possible to give the child a physical experience to draw on before expecting that child to draw abstract conclusions about anything.  

An example from my son's kindergarten last year:  The kindergarten homework last year focused a lot on three-letter words, especially ones with the same ending sound.  The worksheet would have a list of words on the left, and a set of three pictures next to each word.  The child was supposed to circle the picture that represented the word.  (It's also important to note here that the pictures were 2-D sketches meant to approximate the thing it was representing.)  It seemed that one of the favorite word choices was a proper name.  Like Ned.  Now, unless your 5-year-old has ever known a "Ned" (mine didn't), how is he supposed to correlate the word Ned with the sketch of a guy's head?  Another of these was the word "jet" with three pictures, and one being an airplane.  If you always identified a plane as "airplane", how would a 5-year-old know that they are also called "jets"?  Or to be more specific, that smaller, faster versions of airplanes are jets.  These are examples of asking a child to draw an abstract conclusion about something he has never experienced.

I can go into a long rant here about abstract knowledge, and memory, and how that relates to reading, but I won't.

I also haven't mentioned anything about the school's focus on the imagination and how that benefits every part of his life now and in the future.

Suffice it to say, I am happy with this school's focus.  I think getting a strong foundation is much more important than piling on information my son has no idea how to use.  I think with a strong foundation to build on, the capacity for growth is limitless.

Odds and Ends...

First, I'd like to thank those of you who comment on my entries.  The best part about having a public blog is getting feedback on how people react or respond to my writing.

Second, thank you to those who have forwarded the blog to anyone you might be interested.  It's definitely cool to think I wrote something that might be worth passing on!

And finally, I'm sorry for making the entries so long!  I'll try to be a little more succinct in my entries.  I know you don't have hours and hours to devote to reading blogs, so I'll try to make it worth your time, and not bore you in the process!

That being said, the "economic downturn" has finally knocked on my door, and I lost 2 clients this month due to the slow economy.  This has been on my mind all weekend.  Up to now, the financial crisis has been something far away, or just in my retirement account.  It had not gotten personal until now.  The distribution center where one of the child's dad worked shut down due to lack of funding, and the other child's mom has been having a hard time finding a job since she graduated from school.

I miss the days when jobs were plentiful in this region!  I wonder how long it will take for companies to start growing again.  Do you think it will get worse before it gets better?

Education these days...

Today, I ran into a dad from my son's kindergarten class last year.  I stopped to ask him how his son was doing in first grade.  He said his son was struggling with the work that was being expected of him.  The stress of the school day was getting released when he got home, and the family was feeling the brunt of his frustration.  The sad thing about it is that this little boy is a really sweet kid, and really tries hard to please the adults in his life.

My son had the same trouble last year.  The work they were requiring of these kindergartners was way beyond anything they should have been doing.  There were 10-12 pages of homework worksheets every week.  And these worksheets would include, for example, a page of fractions.  (And I don't mean a picture of a pizza cut into thirds, but rather the actual written notation of 1/3.)  In addition to trying to understand the concept of a top number/line/bottom number as representing a portion of a whole, the worksheets also included fraction math problems.  In kindergarten!!  

Now, my five year old was still trying to grasp the concept that 4 was less than 8, and they were trying to teach him that 1/8 was less than 1/4.  This annoyed me a great deal.  He definitely didn't understand it, and I ended up sending the worksheets back unfinished, with a note to the teacher that I didn't want my five year old doing this type of work.  Needless to say, I was not his teacher's favorite parent.

I have to explain that the elementary school in my neighborhood is a highly academic school, and they start pushing the kids in kindergarten to do things they really are not ready to do.  This continues through sixth grade.  Last year, another parent whose daughter had graduated from this school into middle school was telling me how her daughter thought that middle school was a piece of cake as compared to what she'd had to do in elementary school.  For this reason, the school is a nationally recognized blue ribbon school (whatever that means).

However, as a result of the stress of trying to do work he wasn't equipped to do and learn things he had no interest in learning, all the while being told to sit quietly because the teacher had way too many kids in her classroom, my son became a completely different kid by the end of the school year.  He became aggressive, unmanageable, and mean.  This is not his nature at all.  He was constantly being punished for bad behavior, at home and at school, when the cause of his trauma was a school system that doesn't understand how to teach five-year-olds.   I didn't see the connection between school and his behavior change until the school year ended.  Two weeks into summer break he was back to being the boy I remembered him to be.

Needless to say, I felt terrible for subjecting him to such a traumatic representation of what school could be.  The worst thing about it was that I knew better.  I've not only taken years of child development classes, but I've also spent a good amount of time listening to neurology specialists talk about the development of the human brain during the first 12 years of life.  I know there's a better way of educating.

So after that horrific year, I pulled him out of our nationally-recognized, blue-ribbon school, and put him into a Waldorf-inspired charter school.  He's also repeating kindergarten, since he didn't make their age cut-off date for first grade (which is MUCH earlier than traditional schools).  He's happy, and I'm happy.  I'm so happy about the things he's learning, and not learning, that I can't seem to shut up about it once I get started on the subject.

I will tell you all about the wonderful school he is now attending, and why I think it's so wonderful, in a later post.  I'll also add another about how I think our school system is failing our kids.  I also have to say that I believe that there are some children well-suited to the current method of teaching.

For right now, I just wonder what can be done to save the kids like the one I ran into today, whose parents are just trying to provide him with the best education they can.  Doesn't he deserve to be taught in a manner better suited to his age, gender, or learning style?  Should one-size-fits-all really apply to education?

Attractiveness and Sex...

I wrote a post earlier today about male attractiveness.  I ran it by my husband so as not to offend him, and he told me that it was shallow.  Definitely not one of my better posts.  I've done some editing and am putting it out here anyway.  I can't help it if it seems shallow.

This is definitely not a complaint about the double standard of men and women in the workplace, or why attention was given to the clothes Sarah Palin wore, or why attractiveness and youth are an asset to women in the workplace, yet experience and confidence are valued in men.  Those are all valid issues, but not on my mind today.

I love an intelligent man as much as the next woman.  I'm happy to discuss any number of intellectual topics with intelligent men (assuming I can keep up).  However here, I'm just talking about outward appearance.  I'm talking about a man I would want to have sex with. 

I want to know why some men don't put much effort into making themselves look good, yet these same guys will think that they can get any woman to have sex with them, if they works at it long enough.  They seem not to think that their appearance has anything to do with it.  A double standard seems to exist on how physically attractive a man has to be to get the great looking gal.  On King of Queens, the really cute, petite brunette is married to the fat, balding delivery guy.  Is that supposed to be funny?  Or is that supposed to represent reality?  It is a comedy, after all.

If I want to make myself attractive, I have to put some effort into it.  I try to stay thin.  I get my hair done, and spend some time trying to make it behave in the morning.  I'm not ugly, but I'm the first to admit that a little make-up goes a long way for me.  I shave all the right spots, get pedicures, try to choose clothing that best compliments my body.

In other words, I spend quite a lot of time on how I look.  And when I know I look like I've been run over by a Mac truck, I'm still thinking about it.  I think this would be true for the majority of women.

So why don't men?  What do you do to make yourself MORE attractive to the woman you sleep with?  Men seem to think that if they are happy with how they look, everyone else should be.  In fact, it is considered unmasculine or effeminate for men to put too much time and effort into their appearance.  I know a few married men who unapologetically depend on their wives to dress them. 

  

Are women not expected to be swayed by an attractive outside?  What makes us somehow immune to physical attractiveness?  Ok.... I don't know why I put that question in.  I can tell you right now, we're not immune.  We do a double-take as often as the next guy when a beautiful, well-dressed man walks down the street.  Putting some effort into how you look is ATTRACTIVE.  It speaks of confidence, self-worth, and is just plain easy on the eyes.  Why is that shallow?  And why is it shallow of me, but acceptable for a guy to size up a person by how they look?

Not everyone is born beautiful, myself included.  But there are things that we can do to improve the cards we were dealt.  That's all I'm sayin'...

FairTax again...

I know this might be old news to some of you, but I have to have my say... again.  With more talks of bailouts (the last article I read from AP mentioned at the very end that Democrats are pushing to include in the auto bailout a provision to bailout other major transit systems down the road), my first thought goes to the FairTax.  I am not saying this is an answer to all of the country's problems, but I believe it could be a fair start.

Could it be possible for the U.S. auto industry to survive the demise of the 3 Detroit automakers, and possibly even come out ahead?  What if, in the wake of these automakers shutting down, a new industry based on the obviously profitable examples of foreign automakers in America were allowed to emerge?  What if these new companies weren't located in Michigan and constrained to hire UAW workers?  What if, as demonstrated in Ohio, carmakers opted for non-unionized labor states that could make it profitable to build cars?  Wouldn't we be better off?

Ok, this wasn't supposed to be about the automakers, or the union, although I'm plenty pissed off about both.  This was supposed to be about the FairTax.

Supposing these same automakers (sans unions) did not pay corporate tax, payroll tax, or (as the case with proposed VAT tax plans) sales tax on each stage of the production process?  Would this make them more profitable?  Would they be able to make better choices on how to spend their profits?  Would they be able to hire MORE workers without the burden of matching payroll tax rates for their employees?

I've done some study on this topic, and I will probably write a post about my take on the fairtax at a later date, although you can study it at www.fairtax.org.  The primary reason for this post is to put forth the idea that we quite possibly wouldn't have to bail out failing corporations if they weren't taxed to death, or if the cost of doing business in the U.S. wasn't quite so high.  

What if the government didn't have quite such a firm hold on tax revenue, and it was more visibly in the hand of the taxpayers?  Would we then have more say in whether or not to bail?

What do you think?

God on Trial

I just watched a series of nine YouTube clips entitled God on Trial.  It's a BBC production about a group of men in Auschwitz who decide to put God on trial for breaking His covenant with the Jews.

It was a moving depiction of Nazi concentration camps.  This production chose not to go into detail about the horrors of the camp, although half of the men in the discussion had been "selected" for the gas chamber in the morning, but rather to show how these men faced this horror.

It was interesting to me, because there were many good points argued during God's "trial".  Does God exist, or was He just a really good idea the Jews came up with to counter the power of the various gods that were being worshipped at the time?  Is God just, or is He all-powerful?  He can't possibly be both, considering what goes on in this world.  Is God good, or bad?  Since He seems to have a taste for annihilation in the OT, His "goodness" seems to depend on which side you are on.  Did God break His covenant with the Jews?  Or did He just toss it out in favor of a NEW covenant?

This last seems to be the case.  Who's to say He won't do that again?

Christmas, ugh

Yesterday I thought we should put up our Christmas tree.  I usually put it up Thanksgiving weekend, but this year I had a paper due, and that consumed all of my time.

A few years ago we bought a massive fake tree on sale after Christmas for the price of 2-3 live trees of equal size.  (We have a large space in our entryway that warrants a large tree.)  The theory was that 3 years of using the artificial tree would put us into the black, and the fourth year we'd be saving money.  Unfortunately, we made the mistake of buying a pre-lighted tree.  Somehow we thought this would make putting up the tree so much easier.

Year 1:  We pull it out of the box.  It comes in six pieces labeled A-F, piece of cake.  Granted, the bottom two pieces are massive and take two people to get onto the stand, but no biggie.  Then we spend HOURS unbending each branch to make it appear somewhat lifelike, and less like it had been ironed.  Needless to say, after all of that rearranging, it no longer fit into the box it came in.  We end up throwing the whole thing in the garage (in pieces of course).

Year 2:  Ok, this year is everything we had hoped for.  After replacing some burned bulbs, the tree goes up relatively simply, and all is well.  I discovered from the previous year that the tree sat too low to the floor, and I couldn't fit anything under, so I decide we need to raise it.  Having few materials at hand, we come up with a pile of kids mats, extra floor tiles and carpet samples to make a large square.  

After Christmas, we buy the largest bins we can find at Target, and we manage to stuff two sections of the tree into each of two bins, but the two bottom sections are too long.  They don't make larger bins than these.  We end up tossing pieces E & F into the garage as is.

Year 3:  The day we were set to assemble the tree I decide we need to build a better platform for the tree.  We have plywood, we have a table saw, it shouldn't be difficult to build a box.  I make the necessary measurements, and Michael and I go out to set up the tools.  It's freezing cold.  After much arguing, we manage to get a box made.  It is definitely strong enough to hold this monstrosity of a tree.  

Happy now, we start the assembly.  None of the lights turn on.  None.  Starting at the bottom I start replacing bulbs.  There are thousands of bulbs on this tree.  After an hour or two of replacing fuses and replacing bulbs with no results, I call the store where we bought it.  They sell a nifty tool to get light strands restarted.  Cool.  We go buy that.  It does help to get the lights on, so we can see which are the burned out bulbs.  I still end up spending HOURS replacing at least 100 bulbs.  

This year I'm determined to find something in which to store the bottom two tree pieces.  Subsequently, the tree stays up until March before I give up in defeat.

Year 4:  This year.  We dig the tree out of the shed where it ended up in March.  The top pieces are still in their bins, and the sections E & F are still just tossed in.  Of course, the rat that I had considered merely a nuisance in the shed earlier this year had chosen to sharpen his teeth on the light strands, and chewed through the wires of the bottom piece in over a dozen places.  I start to reconnect the split wiring, but I can't find enough damaged areas to get even a single light strand lit, so I start unwinding a light strand.  It's very long; and surpisingly intact.  I finally get the strand off and plug it in.  Nothing.  There is no visible reason why it shouldn't work.  I try the nifty gadget from last year.  Nothing.  I consider that the batteries in it might be dead, and make a trip to Target for new batteries.  Still nothing.  I test the bulbs on the nifty gadget, and... nothing.  I start replacing bulbs.  When I've replaced all but the last 4 or so, the strand lights up.  Geez.  So then I go back to check how many of the ones I replaced were actually dead.  Of the 50 lights on the strand, at least 30 are dead.  Now I've burned through all of my replacement bulbs, and ask Michael to get more at Target.  Apparently you can only get a pack of five, and only the bulb, without the green bottom part.  If this strand is any indication, I'm going to have to replace HUNDREDS of bulbs.  I can't believe this.  I look on the internet.  Same deal.

We come to the conclusion that the light strands on pre-lighted trees are crap, and we would be better off to unwind all the strands and put on our own light strands.  After approximately 3 hours of work, we have the bottom piece light free.  Five sections to go.  Ugh.

Anne Rice's Memoir

I just finished reading Anne Rice's memoir Called Out of Darkness.  I was interested in reading it primarily because I love her writings; all of them.  I wanted to see how she justified leaving her vampires behind to write about Jesus.  Or at least, how she reconciled her past with her change of heart.

It took me a while to slog through the first half of the book as she recalls her childhood and the beauty of the Catholic church of her youth.  It got interesting when she began to talk about losing her faith, and finally became intriguing as she talked about her writings and her eventual return to God.

Anne Rice left God behind for a lot of the same reasons I did.  It is difficult to reconcile the inclusive nature of "God Is Love" with the constrictive and exclusive Church and its doctrine.  It is also difficult to maintain a belief in God when that belief is wrapped up in the church and experiences of childhood.

Returning to God is even harder.  Returning requires admitting you needed the very thing you left behind.  Returning requires faith in something you can neither see nor prove.  Returning requires surrender.

In retrospect I can see that it was important for her to describe the beauty she saw in the Catholic church and its rituals and the effect they had on her, in order to explain her yearning for that beauty apart from the church.  I can understand the draw of nostalgia.  I can understand revisiting and reliving the happy moments of childhood, and being drawn back to that which made it happy.

Still, the most interesting part of the book was her explanation of her writings.  Although she identifies herself briefly as a pornographer for her erotic writings, she talks about her vampires as an expression of her confusion as she identifies with a world without gender or soul, as she reconciles her guilt and longing with the beauty in the world.  She makes no apology for these books.

I enjoyed her fictional stories about Jesus, but I loved Lestat.  I loved his struggle with making the most of the life he was given.  I would have hated to hear that she regretted this character.  I understand her explanation of leaving the vampires behind, since she is no longer struggling with the same issues.  I understand her new focus as an expression of what she can do now, with her new passion for Christ.

Most of all, I respect her suggestion that Christianity be about love; loving everyone equally, without judgement or the need to evangelize.  I believe in an inclusive, loving God.  I find it hard to affiliate myself with a church for fear that I will be associated with that same feeling of being part of an exclusive club only the self-righteous can join.  She has reconciled herself to not giving up on church, but rather to educating herself on what she believes and how she chooses to live those beliefs.  I respect that too.  

Most of all, I love that she believes that Love transcends gender or sexuality.  I love that she correlates the bickering between Christian groups with the bickering between Jewish sects of Jesus' time.  

All in all, reading the book was worth the time.  It has given me ideas on how to reconcile my own malcontent with religion.

Mr. Magorium

I'm sitting with my son watching Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium for the second time.  If you haven't seen it, it's a story about a magic man who owns a magic toy store, and a young girl who just wants to BE something.  All of her life she's worked in the store, and believed in the magic of it.  All of her life she's been told she has potential, and she's frustrated because she doesn't feel like she's realizing any of it.  

(Ha!  Just writing that, I see why I relate to her.)

The story is about believing in magic, but the crux of it is that she doesn't believe in herself.

I can't even explain all the nuance of the story, nor the magic in the story.  But there is a line in the movie which prompted this post.  

On Mr. Magorium's last day, as the girl tries to convince him not to leave, he tells her...

"Your life is an occasion, rise to it."

The movie goes on, and there is beauty in the remainder of it, but that phrase struck me.  It struck me the first time I heard it, and I had to write it down.  It struck me again tonight.

There is so much I'm missing.  So much potential I know I'm not realizing.  So much more that I want to do and be.  Yet I wonder what it would be like to live as if every day was an occasion.  As if all that was necessary to fulfill every dream was to rise to the occasion.

Speaking of Conserving...

Conserving has been on my mind lately.  My business is finally feeling the effects of the "downturn" and I've lost two clients in the last month due to job troubles.  In this I have been lucky, as other areas of Sacramento are much harder hit.

But this blog isn't about that...

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am an avid reader.  It is the one thing I can say I'm truly passionate about.  In the past, my most pressing problem would be scrounging up a new book to read.  Buying new books can be expensive, and leave you with a pile of books you may never read again.  Getting to the library requires planning, both in timing the acquisition of a new book with the ending of the old one, and in returning the book in a timely manner.  (This is last issue is what prompted us to switch from renting movies to Netflix.  Returning things is just not my strong suit!)

So, a while back, I discovered www.PaperbackSwap.com.  I've been a member for at least a year, and I still can't help talking about it.  For the price of postage, I've cleaned out my bookshelves of all but my favorite authors, and accumulated a "to be read" pile that will take me months to plow through.  I'll never be without a book to read again!

Here's how it works:  I list on the website all the books I'd like to get rid of, for this I am "gifted" 3 credits.  For every book that is requested from my list, and mailed, I receive an additional credit.  Each credit is good for one book from the millions listed by other users.  I can browse the list by genre, or author, or simply search for titles, and when I find a book that I want to read, I request it, and it is mailed to me.

Unlike the name suggests, the book list is not restricted to paperbacks.  In fact, they have any kind of book, including hardback, audio CD, and audio cassette, in addition to paperbacks.

The media mail price for postage for most paperbacks is about $2.23.  So for between $2-3 I get a new book to read, and get to pass mine on to someone who wants to read it.  This is even cheaper than buying from a used book store.

For someone who likes to read, this is a great conservation tool, in my book.

Children and Money

I have been struggling with the need to teach my son about money.  He's six.  He won't be going into credit card debt anytime soon, but I know that true education starts much younger than we consciously think.  Learning starts by watching and emulating the people around you.

I have had conversations with friends who have kids, and some who don't, about how to teach my son the value of a dollar.  My husband and I do very well, we aren't wealthy, but we definitely don't scrimp at the grocery store.  We live in an upscale suburb, so he's surrounded by friends who also aren't hurting for money.  

In addition, he has grandparents who are well off, and being the oldest grandchild by a few years, he has had no shortage of attention from that front.  He's also my older sister's only child, so she can't help but spoil him, and she and her husband are doing just fine as well.

He's surrounded by people who don't really put a lot of worry and thought into paying the bills.  So how do I teach him that there are lots of people that do worry, that he can't take for granted that he will always be taken care of, and that even if he never has to worry a day in his life, it is still good practice to know how to conserve.

I apparently have to give kudos to my mother.  We were dirt poor when I was growing up.  She was a single mother of seven, and making do on fairly little.  It wasn't just the fact that we couldn't afford any of the things the other kids had, but that she made it clear why we couldn't afford it.  I remember early on, well before I was 10, being shown the breakdown of her income, and what the bills were, and how much money that left for food.

My mother didn't believe in credit.  Actually, my mother couldn't afford credit.  If she couldn't set aside enough to save for whatever extra thing needed buying, then she definitely couldn't afford to make a monthly payment plus pay interest on whatever it was she had to buy.

I also remember doing our grocery shopping at whatever big warehouse food places came before Costco.  We definitely didn't pay for membership, but we did use the huge flats and buy in bulk.  For us, that meant 20# bags of dried beans, 40# bags of flour for tortillas, 20# bags of rice.  These were essentials.  We survived on rice, beans, and tortillas.  Potatoes, eggs, and oatmeal were also staples.  I remember getting a fat black grease pen at the door so we can keep a tally of what we were spending.  Foodstamps made these trips possible.  I also remember feeling grateful for the block of American cheese, powdered milk, and sometimes bread given out by the government, although being equally conscious of not wanting to be seen in that line.

I also remember sitting at the car dealership watching and listening as my mother bargained for a car.  Maybe this is where I got the idea that an inexpensive new car is ultimately cheaper than a used car if you have no money for repairs.  That 5 year warranty is essential.  Reliability is much more important than a lower car payment in the long run.  However, that didn't mean she didn't work that payment down.  I remember her ordering a car without a/c, without a radio, without automatic, without any of the extras that ultimately added to the bottom line.  This was before everything was "bundled" and you didn't have a choice.

All of this gave me a sense of the cost of things.  I knew what running a household cost.  I knew not to expect to go on field trips at school if they cost money; there was none to spare.  I knew why we got our clothes from the local charity organizations.  So, even without really noticing, I was learning a lot about money.

I'm definitely not frugal, but I understand the finite nature of money.

So back to my original thought, how do I pass this on to my son when he sees his dad's extensive collection of toys, his mother's extensive collection of books, and his own room full of toys.  He definitely isn't getting everything he sees and wants.  He also isn't spoiled like many of his friends seem to be.  But I still want to teach him about costs, and the choices in where to spend; how spending one place means less or no money for something else.

All in all, I'm thankful for the education my mother gave me in this.  There were so many things she did badly, but this... this was good.

My Employment Malcontent

This is the issue that started my blogging.  I posted it to my LiveJournal, but I think I'd rather keep that for private thoughts, and this for public.

It's been almost five years since I started my home child care.  I'm feeling the need to move on, but with few options.  I don't think I could go back to working in a cubicle after having the experience of being my own boss and doing as I please.  So what are my options?

I gave some thought (3 months of writing a business plan) to expanding my business into a child care center.  That would be a great use of the experience and education I've gained over the last five years.  I do have some great ideas on how a child care should be run, but without the desire to be down in the trenches myself.  I have a talent for managing a business, which would also put to good use the Business degree I worked for 12 years to acquire (working full time, going to school at night).  That seems like a plausible plan, except for the need for huge amounts of capital to get started.  That is a little out of my reach at the moment.

So, how about an online resource that will make all the experience and education I have available to others?  How much work and knowledge would I need to put together an online resource webpage for other providers?  I don't know the first thing about web design.  I do have some ideas of what the content should consist of.  Maybe I'll start detailing those ideas here, just so as not to lose the thread.  

I'd really love to know why I can't seem to last at any one thing for longer than five years, though.  My husband has been happily doing the same job for the ten years I've known him.  His circumstances have changed slightly in those ten years, but the job has been the same.  I think he'd happily continue for another ten without complaint.  And he's good at it.  So why do I get this attack of wanderlust at the five year mark?  This has been a pretty consistent pattern for me.  How can I succeed if I can't find something I can be totally happy with for longer than that?  

How do we make a difference?

I've never been political.  I've only ever shown an interest in politics when it has come to my doorstep, usually every four years.  I have never really even made much of an effort to participate in the smaller elections that come along in between.  But now, it seems like every decision made on capital hill is intruding on my doorstep, and I have to voice an opinion.

About 6 months before the presidential election I started to focus on gathering as much information about the candidates as possible.  I wanted unbiased information so I could come to my own conclusions.  I listened to radio, read blogs, watched the debates, and studied the issues.  I felt really informed, although far short of what could have been possible if I had more time to devote and possibly more people to discuss issues with.

Because of that effort, though, I've "discovered" a lot of things going on in Washington that I would otherwise have ignored.  I feel frustrated at the complete lack of interest on the part of the American Public about what is happening with our government, and with our money, that will ultimately affect us, and in fact already has.  I feel more frustrated probably because I was one of that number not too long ago.

I've come to realize I lead a very isolated life.  I miss intelligent discussion with other educated adults that force me to examine issues and evaluate my position.  That's why I'm coming to you.  I want to generate discussion.  I want to become active in the shaping of my and my child's future.

My husband sent me a link today to an article about the big 3 automakers asking for handouts from the government again (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122809320261867867.html), and it gets me worked up.  Why does the government meddle in things the market should control?  What can "we the people" do about it?  How do we start speaking out in such a way that the government has to listen?

There are other issues that I would like to discuss here, but that is for another time.  I just started this today, so I know I don't even have an audience, but one day I'll figure out this web stuff and join my voice to the thousands of bloggers.  Maybe we can make a difference.

Why Malcontent?

One definition of malcontent according to dictionary.com is "not satisfied or content with currently prevailing conditions or circumstances".  This is where I am right now in my job.  Not satisfied or content.  That is why I'm venturing into the world of blogs.  Maybe some of you can help me out of my dilemma, find focus, and possibly a career path that I would enjoy doing for the rest of my working days.